Fears are normal after a diagnosis of hearing loss. They can feel debilitating, but facing them head-on can bring healing and hope.

We have three children. The two youngest were born with mild to moderate hearing loss. At the time we were clueless about what this was going to mean for each of them and their future.

When our children were first diagnosed with hearing loss, we had no reference of what a child with hearing loss looked like. We had aunts and grandparents who experienced hearing loss, but only as they grew older. We did not know a single person who wore hearing aids. This made it hard for us to conceptualize what this was going to mean for our children and our family.

“The journey started just on day two of life,” says Melissa Hyder.”Both of my children did not pass the newborn hearing screening test that was performed at the hospital.”

Melissa, a mother of three, said she and her husband know people with hearing loss due to old age, but before her children were born they never knew a deaf child.

“I fought a lot of shame and guilt,” she says. “I wanted to protect my children, to take their pain away. Often I prayed a line from Mumford and Sons, ‘Keep the earth below my feet.’ I found myself at times lost in the shame and missing the joy that was right in front of me.”

Bedtime for any baby or toddler can be a stressful time of the day, but this can be more so for a deaf child.

The thought of having to remove their hearing equipment, whether it is hearing aids or a cochlear implant can be a daunting thought. I am one of those mums who believes in routine. I’m not terribly strict with it, but I believe children thrive with a bit of structure to their day. This is why we have put a particular routine in place to help our little boy Harry, who is profoundly deaf without his cochlear implants, feel safe and comfortable when it comes to going to sleep. 

Here are my tips for establishing a bedtime routine for deaf children:

I have always been a huge advocate of using sign language. I think it has massive benefits in terms of learning how to communicate and aiding speech. However, I never realized how important it was for us as a family with a deaf child until we really needed it to communicate.

A couple of months ago I fell ill when I was home alone with Harry.  My other half, Scott, had just left for work when I suddenly felt a horrendous pain in my stomach. I was on the verge of collapsing, so I curled up on the kitchen floor to stop myself from completely blacking out. 

Luckily, Harry heard me fall to the floor and came straight over to see what on earth his Mummy was doing! He immediately knew that something was wrong and signed to me to ask if I was sad. I said, “yes” and used sign language to asked him to find my phone. He understood the sign for “phone” and immediately tottered off to find it. 

When my baby boy was born, I looked at him nestled in my arms through teary, tired eyes and knew he was worth the pain. But when he failed his newborn hearing screening numerous times our world really was turned upside down.

Being profoundly deaf, we quickly found out that Harry couldn’t hear a thing. It broke my heart thinking about the months spent talking to my bump and realizing that he hadn’t heard a word. The little competence I had gained during those early weeks as a first-time mum had been completely diminished. I was suddenly thrown into the unknown, where nobody I knew had ever been.

Before Harry was born I had no doubt in my mind that I would send him to daycare at some point in his preschool years. In the beginning, we had a family friend help take care of him, but I am a real advocate for nursery and the social environment it provides for a thriving toddler.

However, when Harry was diagnosed with hearing loss I suddenly really struggled with the thought of someone else taking care of him. I also feared his hearing loss would single him out. Would he be scared? Would be be able to hear properly in a noisy environment with his cochlear implants? Would the staff be trustworthy with all his equipment?